Think you know something about Lakewood Rotary?
Q. What is the average dollar contribution per member over the period that Lakewood Rotary has been involved the Paul Harris Foundation? Show your work. (Remember that the early works of Pearson on regression and correlation were surpassed by Sir Francis Galton’s work with Sweet Peas.) 
Q. In the Chinese calendar, what year did the first Lakewood Rotarian become a Paul Harris Fellow?
Q. What was his name, classification and how tall was he?
Q. Bichai Rattakul was RI President in 2003. He came to Lakewood Rotary to commemorate the club’s contribution. How much was it and using an assumed inflation discount rate of 2% how much is that in 2017 dollars? Again, show your work.
Q. Who was the Lakewood Rotary Exchange Student at the time of Bichai Rattakul’s visit and where was he from?
Q. What year was The Famous Lunch held at The Lakewood Terrace Ponder’s Room when 7 Rotarians became Paul Harris Fellows?
Q. Using your math skills, total a Greenleaf and a MFLF fine and donate it to President Rose. If you have the wrong total she will double your fine.
Submit your answers in a Blue Book (those of you who can still write without a computer) and turn it in at the next Presidential Roast.
December 9, 2016
The Rotary Club of Lakewood
In the Beginning…
The meeting began with PP Dave Coleman’s invocation and Mo Sarram’s Pledge to the Flag. It was a full house, which only a cynic would attribute to a $1162 pot! President Rose thanked her peeps: Bud Montgomery collected $1020 for the Foundation, Tommy Crabill sold raffle tickets to PP Rick Selden and others, Tom also was Sgt. at Arms, Bob Zawilski took pictures and Ole wrote. Rob and Duncan upset the place.
Above: President Rose Stevens holding a sign with a typo (a fine-able offense) 
…Amoebae and cephalopods roamed the planet that would later be named Earth.
Guests were: Sharon and Sharon, Pat and Pam, Mary and Marilyn, Fae and Ann, Paula and Echo, Chris and Stephanie, Donner and Blitzen. Rob Erb failed to introduce any visiting Rotarians – but it wasn’t his fault.
The Rotary Moment Gong sounded and Mike McGowan told the story of Lakewood Rotary’s meager Foundation beginning. Russ Klauser took it upon himself to change all that and the rest is history. From the famous lunch at the Lakewood Terrace to today’s announcement, Lakewood Rotarians have given $1,013,665.  It is a remarkable achievement and all can be proud. The fundraising efforts that have ranged from the ubiquitous Easter Pancake Breakfast that fostered so much fellowship to the Sportsman’s Dinner and Auction of today, Rotarians and their families have raised millions of dollars for this community.
But, The Paul Harris Foundation has relied on the generosity of our members and the proceeds have benefited the world – our Earth – for all these years. The very brief video introduced by Steve Enquist showed the effects of the Foundation throughout the world. Congratulations to the members of the Foundation Committee and everyone in this amazing club.
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
  • Calvin Coolidge
The following announcements were said.  Ed Shannon related that The Military Appreciation Committee is considering The Draft – conscription, if you will. It needs you! No experience necessary, just a willingness to provide some support for our military community. In addition, a wreathe-laying ceremony is being held at Camp Lewis Cemetery Saturday December 17th. Gather at Burs Restaurant at 7:00 AM or in military parlance – 0700! Many thanks to Connie Hoffman for her organization of this effort.
 Another event on Saturday December 17th is a bike distribution. Gather at 9:00 AM at Selden’s to assist in the giving of 30 bikes. Someone please Call PP Rick to give him driving instructions to his daughter’s place of business. PP Rick also announced Judy Hosea’s retirement party was a rousing success and cookies were served. Someone paid something.
Next Friday, December 16th is the annual Puffin event with libations and a roast of President Rose. Sonia reminds all to bring checkbooks.
Charity shall cover the multitude of sins…
That is a Bible quotation and if true, Lakewood Rotarians must be a sinful bunch because we sure are charitable! President Rose installed three new members. They are: Echo Curry of The Boys and Girls Club – sponsored by Judy Hosea, Paula Olson, Attorney – sponsored by Chris Kimball, and Mary Horn – sponsored by PP Greg Horn. Mary affirmed the story of the farm girl and the travelling salesman!
Above: Three new Rotarians (Echo Curry (far right), Paula Olson (far left), and Mary Horn (middle) ), accompanied by three old Rotarians
Here come da judge, here come da judge, here come da judge…  Sammy Davis, Jr. on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In, ca. 1967.
Looking good in powdered wig and long black robe, Judge pro tem Joe Quinn baritoned The Four-Way Test to the bench. No hanging Judge he; more the praising Judge we’d see. Prosecutor Eric Quinn and Defender Nicole Hancock completed the courtroom setting – they don’t need no stinking bailiff!
First Defendant: Mike McGowan accused of the crime of Origination. To wit: The Paul Harris Foundation sustaining program; Milton Friedman fund raiser for the John A. Kennedy Renal Dialysis Center in memory of Cap Peterson; The Mob Family table; and our collective regularity as Lakewood Rotary’s only “Prune Peddler.” Let us eat cake. And we did. The lawyers were mostly silent.
Second Defendant: The Selden Family, accused of conspiracy to commit good deeds and have fun for three generations! Ed, Rick and Gayle were pounced upon by Prosecutor Eric for all kinds of lavish smiles and fellowship culminating in PP Rick’s incognito appearance dressed as Little Bo Peep as one of the, y’know “girls” at a Wild Game Dinner, wink, wink.
Ed Selden started the Packwood Retreat, a spiritual – oops, make that spirits full – gathering in Packwood involving cards and refreshments. Rick carried on the Packwood annual ski gathering along with the Reeders, Thompsons and others owning real estate in that remote location. The event sank with the migration of the Selden cabin downriver into several different counties. Through it all, Rick smiled. Rick is now chair of Community Concerns and Gayle of The Sportsman’s Dinner and Auction – and through it all they smile. Defender Nicole pointed out one of Gayle’s most important contributions; that of lowering the average age of membership by a good 10 years! And through it all they smile.
Ted Wier was the next Defendant. He was charged with Truth in the First Degree and Waste in the Second Degree. Both crimes elaborated by Prosecutor Quinn involved alcohol and its transport to Canada. The first charge: admitting to the Customs official that he had the booze – truth – and the second crime, emptying the surplus – waste. No defense was offered by Attorney Hancock, just a quizzical look.
The next defendants, Gordon Quick and Richard Simmons have jumped bail and are on the lam. Shoot on sight!
Ward Fletcher appeared as the next defendant and was proclaimed guilty until proven innocent. Huh!? Ward traveled numerous times to Riga, Latvia to build a hospital. He also possesses numerous Paul Harris Fellowship awards. He flies under the radar unlike his two accomplices. His crime: Reckless Abandon—giving and giving until there is no giving left.
PP Dave Covey was accused of the crime of minimization for his work on The Mighty Fine Liberation Front during Dennis Shade’s administration. It seems that Shade thought fines of $50 were “mighty fine” but Past Assistant Governor Dave donned a paper sack and protested with the actual cost of a fine - $17.95; thus began the MFLF. And you thought it was because he dressed as Elvis on occasion. Pie-chart Dave was ably represented by Ms. Hancock as a hippie protester and deserving of liberation. So ordered.
PP Chris Kimball was accused of Public Noise Making. It is unarguable that we all discovered that The Star Spangled Banner can be played on the drums, but that wasn’t the apparent crime. No Habeas Corpus Sigmund Freudeas. Woodstick and the Guiness Stout Book of Records for all of those Little Drummer Boys along with being Lakewood Rotary’s Chief of recruitment. The sentence: an ear worm of The Little Drummer Boy until next Christmas – truly cruel and unusual punishment!
The Judge then called the Partners of Rotary to the courtroom for acknowledgement of good works. Well, wasn’t that nice of him. Let’s give The Judge a hearty E Pluribus Unum and Semper Lux Flushum for that effort. A job well done for the Quinns and Hancock law team.
Then the penultimate event was a rendition of “Yer Birthday”—which was transfigured into “Rotary’s Birthday”—with apologies to The Beatles. In the band, Bob McCluskey, Mark Anderson and Chris Kimball. On vocals and the gyro - Eric Quinn.
Now, the reason for the season – the drawing. Drum roll for $1162 in the pot. PP Rick Selden is the winner of $5.00. And he smiled.
Who reads this stuff?
P.S. If you missed this meeting, just read this bulletin and tell Greg about it. You will be credited a make-up. Good day to you.